THE FATHER’S DESIGN FOR A GODLY MARRIAGE
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
1Co 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
1Co 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1Co 7:5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
As saints “in Christ” we are taught of our Father how we ought to walk in godliness in this present evil world, and a good part of our godly education can consist of our being married to our spouse during this time. And just as we have a designed way we are to grow in the doctrine for our edification, (which is a ‘milk to meat’ progression through Romans – Philemon), this is also the case with marriage as well. Within the epistle of Corinthians we find that this is a ‘milk,’ and foundational doctrine for the saints to grow into after just being established in the doctrine of the justification of their souls. And as such we see Paul dealing with saints who had a problem with fornication, which Paul gives the saints the cure for this problem; Paul says that “to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every wife have their own husband.”
1Co 6:11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
1Co 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1Co 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
1Co 6:20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
This is when the unmarried saints come to realize what they have “in Christ;” which Paul makes plainly clear in chapter 6, verse 11(the doctrine of their justified and sanctified position that they have in Christ, and in the eyes of God). And also the saint comes to realize the need to “flee fornication,” because when he does fornicate he “sinneth against his own body,” and also fornication cannot bring honor and glory unto the Lord whom gave up of Himself for us, so he should also possess a willingness to ‘give up’ the things that fed his flesh also to glorify God through his body and spirit, and also to find someone that has also realized the need to “flee fornication” as well. Moreover once married, Paul also makes it plainly clear that if the husband and wife are not rendering each other “due benevolence,” then they can be tempted by the course of this world, and the ones that follow it. This part of the marriage is one of the most important and the first thing that the saints have to change their way of thinking about, and that is that their bodies belong to their spouse and to the Lord just 1Corinthians 6:19 and 7:4 says, and not to this world.
1Co 7:25 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.
1Co 7:26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.
1Co 7:27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
1Co 7:28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
1Co 7:29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
1Co 7:30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;
1Co 7:31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
1Co 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
1Co 7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
1Co 7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
The Lord would have the man and the woman to be married “in the Lord,” but the saints that are not yet married ought to ‘care’ (give more of themselves) for the things of the Lord on a more consistent basis than the married saints. And because this should be the case with the unmarried saints, Paul wants the married saints to act as the unmarried saints “in the Lord.” The thing that Paul wants the married saints to understand and appreciate is that both the husband and the wife should “careth for the things of the Lord” just as the unmarried saint ought to. Furthermore it is the married saints being ‘careful’ (full of care) with the things of the Lord by letting the doctrine go to work in their marriage. And this is also an important ‘first things first’ understanding that the married saints need to change their way of thinking about, and that is both the husband and the wife living their life together with godliness “in the Lord.” A “godly” marriage can only take place by both the husband and the wife growing in the doctrine for their godly edification, and living their married life the way God intends the husband and wife to, not after “the fashion of this world” and man’s way for a marriage to be successful (self-help books, marriage counseling, which are effective ways for a marriage to work, but as we can plainly see, it is not the “effectual” way for a marriage to be successful) , but having the same common godly thinking the way God designed “in the Lord.”
Eph 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
Oftentimes most husbands and wives can have a selfish way of thinking concerning each other’s role in the marriage, and “think more highly” of themselves than they ought to think, or put their individual goals before their spouse. And just as we as members of the body of Christ are taught to respect and not be “high minded” concerning the “office” of other members of the body of Christ, the married saints should also possess the same unselfish thinking by understanding and appreciating each other’s role in the marriage. And therefore just as we are members of “one body” with each member having their ‘role’ for one common cause, this is also the case in marriage (this is the reason Paul uses the comparison here in Ephesians chapter 5) with the husband and the wife being “one flesh.” This doctrine of godliness is often left as a “mystery” in many marriages, but the Apostle Paul and God the Father wants us to understand and appreciate this essential doctrine. Furthermore by the time both the husband and the wife come to this point in their marriage, (Ephesians-Colossians doctrine), they should understand that “Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” and we ought to possess the same type of thinking as we grow in our marriage, and we are to understand that we ought to value and esteem our spouse more than ourselves.
Col 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
Col 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
Col 3:14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
Col 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Col 3:17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Col 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.
God the Father and the Apostle Paul understands that during the saint’s marriage that there will be times (sometimes it seems like it is all the time!) where the husband and wives can become “bitter against” each other. But there is a cure for our problems that we have when it comes to our “forbearing one another.” Moreover it is our understanding and appreciating the love of Christ towards us when He “forgave” us and gave us all that we have “in Christ,” and our letting “the peace of God rule” in our hearts by everything we do “in word or deed.” Therefore we as saints cannot understand this important part of marriage unless we already have come to understand and appreciate the ‘first things first’ doctrine earlier mentioned, (how can one forgive their spouse if they do not understand how they ought to love each other, this is doctrine given in earlier in Ephesian 5), and this accomplished by our letting “the word of Christ dwell” in us “richly in all wisdom.”
1Ti 2:8 I will therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.
1Ti 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1Ti 2:10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
1Ti 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
1Ti 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
1Ti 2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
1Ti 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
1Ti 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
And as the saints grow in their marriage their behavior should display godliness as a married godly man and as a married godly woman. And also as they grow older together in the doctrine, they will come to the time where godliness is not only displayed by their way of thinking, but their out-ward man will also display godliness unto others, and make an impact in the heavenly places just as it is designed to. And as such there is a designed order in the marriage which prevents the woman from being victimized by the adversary, (for more on this subject visit the bible study section for the study “Justifications and Salvations”- “The Woman’s Salvation”), and by God the Father’s design, there is a ‘salvation’ that she has in marriage and childbearing that not only gives the woman salvation from Satan’s attack on her, but this display of godliness also has a designed effect upon the angelic realm as well.
1Ti 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.
1Ti 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
1Ti 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous;
1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)
1Ti 3:11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.
1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.
The married man that has a “desire” to become a bishop or a deacon is given the qualifications for their “office,” and as such, part of the requirement of the “office” is one that “ruleth well his own house.” And when the man has come to the point in his education where he understands and appreciates the fundamental doctrine, he now understands the godly design for “ruling their children and their own houses well.” Likewise the wife of a bishop or deacon has a certain behavior she must maintain given the fact that she too should have grown in the doctrine with her husband who has greatly grown in the doctrine whereas he can now teach it to others as well.
Tit 2:1 But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine:
Tit 2:2 That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.
Tit 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
Tit 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Tit 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Tit 2:6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.
Tit 2:7 In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,
Tit 2:8 Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.
The married saints that has “aged” are told that they are to be an example to the younger married saints by what they have learned earlier in their marriage by the doctrine, and they are to teach the younger saints just as they were taught, by a progressive godly doctrinal designed way that the Father has for the married members of His body to grow in marriage. Finally, the designed way for the saints to have a godly marriage is to first understand and appreciate the foundational doctrines and the progressive doctrines that are found from Romans through Philemon, it is the saints being established in the ICorinthians 7 doctrine, (most importantly, the saint must fully understand and appreciate the first stage in the gospel before he can move on to the next stage; otherwise it will not work the way God intended), and then moving on to and through the epistles as they grow as a godly married couple “in Christ.”
Rod Jones